Learn some intelligence

I learned some things this week. Five things, in fact - not four, and not six. Indeed, my intelligence increased by five (it almost doubled). Because I am such a generous person, I now pass this knowledge on to you. Use it well, use it wisely, but most of all, use it responsibly, for with great knowledge comes great headache.

1) Rosé is to wine what a latte is to coffee and what cordon bleu is to meat: french, and gayer than an Elton John tea party. Don't ever consume this shit in public. But if you're all alone, nothing to do, some blues on in the background and you're feeling all Marvin Gaye...

2) I own at guitar hero. I absolutely, completely own at it. I do not, however, own it. I have to go over to a friend and use his copy :(

3) A fridge only cools if the temperature outside the fridge is higher than the intended temperature inside. If it isn't, it actually warms stuff up. But it doesn't make tea.

4) Sometimes, you can wittily say "it's not rocket science" with your nose high up in the air, looking down at the uneducated fool below trying to make sense of the world around him. Sometimes, however, you cannot. For example: when launching rockets.

5) It is socially acceptable to respond violently to the following questions:
"So, you work here now?" (when at work)
"So this is where you live?" (when at home)
"Do you smoke?" (when smoking)

No shit Sherlock!